Ode to my bed

This post of Jonny's, Ode to my bed, made me laugh today so I thought I'd take the opportunity while I am getting hungry enough for dinner, to write one as well! Apologies to Jonny for pilfering and changing his first 2 lines, in my case they create a wonderful contrast to his situation re: beds!

Ode to my bed

'I’m five foot four and it must be said
I’m just too small for a double bed!
‘Now that’s not odd,’ I hear you cry
‘That a bed’s too big for that wee guy.’
But let me take but just a min
To better show the fix I’m in!

You see it’s rather worrying when
I wake up at the other end
And wonder why that wall I see
Is now on the wrong side to me.
Or when somehow I find myself
Curled up like some cuddly elf
In the far corner of the thing
Where once my cheesy feet bad been

Or better still when change comes round
When sheets and covers are machine-bound
The task confronts my poor small frame
Of covering all I see again!
The duvet, more like tent than cover,
Sheet, the mattress’ monstrous mother,
Pillow cases, my only friends,
Right size to fit my physical trends.

Which end to tuck I just don’t know,
This enormous bed-based throw
It takes me twenty tries at least,
My arms don’t stretch from west to east!
Duvet covers swallow whole
This shorty Scot, turned linen mole
When exit found It’s strange to see
The outside light has failed me!

So there. My bed; both friend and foe
Many nights’ rest to it I owe
and yet, each time I lay my head
upon this vast expanse of bed
I wonder where and when I’ll wake
upside-down, no doubt, I’d stake
or one day I might just arise
the same way that I starts to lies

I think I'll just give up this bed
and sleep upon a hammock instead!'

Yes, I'm short
Yes, it's a King-size double bed
Yes, it's daft
Yes, I love it! :D

TheWeeScottie

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weird is just your own personal brand of normal