Monday, September 22, 2008

Updates from the 'ding & 'wow, is that the time?!'

3 weeks in and I find myself still in one piece, the kids all in 1 piece (respectively) and all my crockery and smashable items at home all in one piece. I am pretty tired, but I'm finding that work-life balance is getting there gradually. Marking (usually) happens at school and everything else happens at home! (sometimes, including marking)

Part of me is very much looking forward to half term when my re-take of the 7 week summer block for my PGCE will be completed and I'll have (God-willing) passed with the necessary pallet of flying colour. But then again, another part of me's saying not to rush this 7 week period away. Even thinking about this part of me now makes me realise how strange a thought this is; as when this 7 week period's up, it will mean I can reclaim my evenings and weekends, not to mention give me more time to catch up with people and be able to go to my homegroup at church.

But the other part pipes back up again, reminding me that this 7 week period is reminding me of facts that are fundamental to me during my teaching - both now, and facts that will hold right on through. These 3 weeks have been great fun, but they have been physically shattering going to bed (mum, look away) around 12-1am'ish, and getting up at 6am each day, working 6/7 evenings to keep on top of work & having to lay down commitments I'd love to be a part of. I ought to be 'Tim, living corpse on show', but I continue to be left in wonder at how God's keeping me going - my PGCE reminded me that sometimes all you can do is run on grace when even the fumes in your fuel tank have run out.

This crazy and wonderful reality keeps hitting me freshly each day and I can't get the smile it causes off my face. Once verse that's just struck me is

'Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.'
Psalm 55v22

I'm dog tired, but find that he's keeping me going sufficiently each day. My workload with marking, planning and PGCE paperwork ought to get me down (and at times it can do because of what I miss), but the simple, and amazingly profound fact that God keeps sustaining me in my body and by his Holy Spirit leaves me in awe. Why would God choose to keep a muggins like me going when there must be a hundred more able teachers out there? I love how I can't understand his love, how it's a pool of infinite depth - growing more dense and incomprehensible the further down you go!

I really hope this continues as this year goes on - I want to be walking more closely with God so I can understand his will for me better, I want to be realising and acknowledging each day how weak I am in myself so his strength can sustain me althermore amazingly - I want to know more of this amazing God who calls me Son and invites me to call him Father!

I would also like less paperwork; but as with his work in me, one day at a time :)



weird is just your own personal brand of normal

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