the title describes the feeling I had when I left my final exam and was on my way home. My bag was plonked down in my room, I sat down, and then realised that I had nothing to do. Those of you who know me will know that I always have something happening and feel rather lost when I have genuinely free time. Yet here I am, 5 weeks into the Summer term, 85 weeks into the 90 of my degree, and I have relatively little planned for the weeks running up til graduation.
I'm thankful for the 'last thing at night' time of day, that I'm at now, though, because I find that once everything's silent and done, I can look back and see things clearer than I can during the heat of the day as it were. So here we go...
It's been 14280 hours, 595 sunsets (and the same of sunrises), countless thousands of cups of coffee, since I started uni here at Reading. However you choose to measure this past 3 years (rounded up), I cannot discount or ignore the things God's been showing and trying to teach me. From relying on him and walking in his strength for exams (and everything, come to think of it), to seeking him for passion to serve him in events weeks 2004/05/06, to drawing on his strength to sustain my family during my gran's illness (Christmas 05), God has been at the centre of my degree and of my life. Though I've not acknowledged it at times, and sometimes resented his way with the things in my life, he's helped me always to be able to look back, in the present and forward, timewise, and see his all-powerful sovreign hand on all things around me.
Whether it's been emotional, physical or spiritual pressure/stress, I cannot do anything but praise him for his complete faithfulness. Often I've needed to ask him to show me the way, sometimes on my knees (and how I wish I'd done that sooner!). He's raised my chin countless times, taken my hand and guided me, taught me patiently in countless ways and through many people. I've been horrifically stubborn at times, yet he's always beared with me & seen me through a situation - even when I'd ignore the obvious answer!
It's been a humbling 3 years, more humbling as it's progressed with God's gradually teaching me to break down the pride in my heart & submit to him first, in all things. Call me crazy, but I wouldn't have swapped these past 5 weeks of revision/exams for anything in the world. They've drawn my closer to God than before & I want this closeness & fellowship I have with him to continue!
and now what? well, that's the question, isn't it, and such an exciting one!!! The answer, things will happen day-in and day-out until the end of term, but I hope and pray that God keeps teaching me to humble my heart & lift each new day to him. He's got plans that far outweigh my imaginings, and all it takes is my willingness to follow. He'll equip me for the day ahead, that i know; the last 5 weeks have paid testament to this! Relaxing is now just around the corner, starting with a good night's sleep in a couple of minutes, so this is Tim's brain signing off. Good night & God bless :)
weird is just your own personal brand of normal